Difference 1:

 A Fan has a copy of all the books

All 4 books

A Fanatic has four copies of the four books in four different languages

Difference 2:

Twilight fans talk about the book with their friends, and have good intelligent conversations

A Fanatic’s friends are the books

She has more book friends than Tila Tequila has myspace friends

 Difference 3

A Fan wants her boyfriend to more like Edward

A Fanatic Thinks her Boyfriend IS Edward

Difference 4

A fan is jealous of Kristen Stewart because she got to act with Robert Pattinson

A Fantic wants to kill Kristen Stewart, becuase she thinks she is Bella

Difference 5

A Fan watches other movies with them and say ” oh look its Edward” jokingly

A fanatic refuses to watch Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire because Robert Pattinson dies

A over the top twilight hater watches Harry Potter, just to see Robert Pattinson die

Difference 6

A fan will think Robert Pattinson is sexy

A Fanatic will think Robert Pattinson is sexier than Hugh Jackman or Ryan Reynolds.

You an iron on those abs, thats sexy

Difference 7

A fan will argue the better points of the book if a person says that the books are garbage

A fanatic will leap at you screaming like a howler monkey tyring to kill you if you say twilight sucks

Difference 8

A fan thinks that a person with the last name Cullen is funny

A Fanatic marries a person, because their last name is Cullen

Difference 9

A Fan reads other vampire books to see the other views of the creatures of the night

A Fanatic refuses to believe Bram Stoker’s Dracula and says that he just copied Twilight. ( if you don’t get this joke than look at a time line)

Difference 10

A fan tells her friends about the book

A Fanatic does a book report about the book

AND THE FINAL DIFFERENCE 

A fan will go to the midnight showing of New Moon

A Fanatic will go to the midnight showing of New Moon, kill Robert Pattinson and wear his skin to bed.

NOW YOU KNOW STAY AWAY FROM FANATICS

I just want a friend...

Step 1: Don’t Get Bitten: This is the most important rule of the zombie attack. Its like the first rule of Fight Club, if you follow it you are in a safe small group, but if you break it than your club becomes larger, and by club I mean zombie horde.

His Name Was Robert Paulson

A: A worn torn veteran from a war, he is graying, but still kicks some major butt

Hoo Ra

C: A Black Guy: This is the most crucial part of your team, he is needed to make comedic jokes in time of despair. Having him scream ” get your cracker ass in herr’”  as you are running to a door is enjoyable for all.  Also gives you guys street cred and makes you look not racist.

WE IS ALLS GUNNA DIE

D: A Girl: She is the eye candy, she is good looking even(even though in real life she’d probably be a 6.  But a zombie infection is no time to be picky), and her hair is perfect even though she hasn’t bathed in weeks and it should be filled with zombie chunks.  She gives of that all American girl next door vibe and the whole women’s rights thing will be at ease.   Whatever you do, DON’T BANG HER.  With no birth control, your gonna end up having a preggo on your hands and that will only slow you  down.  Plus all of the other guys in the group will hate you for breaking the sacred code of “Bros before banging Hos” because now in addition to screwing her you just screwed the team.

Trying to Find A Picture Of Her Fully Clothed Was The Hardest Thing Of My Life

Step 3: Think of a “Safe” Place: Having a plan, and a place to go is key, in every zombie movie and game, you always head to somewhere with some transport to help you escape. This is key, you need to fight your way through a zombie horde and you don’t need to be wondering around in circles. Plus you don’t need the girl in the group going ” just ask for directions”. So having a plan right off the bat is a must.

Step 4: Now Your Equipment: Zombies will be coming, and you need to fend them off, here is how

A. Weapons: When the zombies hit the fan, only four types of weapons will be findable,

1. The Shotgun: it is the bread and butter of the zombie hunters arsenal, it can explode a zombies head like a pinata on Cinco de Mayo. Pump action is what you will probably start out with, but maybe later in the level you will find an auto-shotty.

2. The Pistol: its the secondary fire arm that everyone knows and loves. It has unlimited ammo and you can duel wield it, so its good. Unless your fighting on an alien world, then the pistol sucks. Yea I’m talking to you Halo.

3. The Machine Gun: Its a rarity, due to you can unload a clip and only hit the dirty around the zombies feet. Its loud, weighs a ton, and smokes during firing, Its like a low price hooker.

I Pity The Zombie Fool

4. The Sniper Rifle: There is always that guy who has this and climbs to a tall tree and then starts snipping. Bad thing is, he clears the way for the team, then he is stuck in the tree as the zombies encircle the base. Don’t be a sniper, never works, plus you look cooler with the shotgun anyway.

B: First Aid: There are three types of first aid that will be available.

1: The First Aid Kit: Small, square, and read, this is your life line. It doesn’t matter that the a normal first aid kit has band aids, and gauze pads, if you fall off of a three story building, and break your leg than just rape tape around it and then you will be good to go.

2: Pain Pills: Apparently everyone in your neighborhood is a Courtney Love level junkie, because these puppies are running rampant. The pain only goes away for a little bit, but once you find a check point and you die you will just respawn, plus its  funny to see your team strung out on Codeine.

3. Your Shield: This is only applicable if your an elite member or the military, or an alien. Your shield recharges and you will be fine.

DO YOU HAS RECON?

Step 5: The Journey Begins: With the ending of the opening sequence over, you can start to move on, now the area you start off in is usually pretty safe, but in true zombie style, you leave your hiding spot to go try to hitch a ride. Grab Your Guns and your Health packs and move on. In the beginning only a few zombies will try to attack and maim you, but they are easily fought off. Killing some Zombies may do some strange things, like release little zombie spores, or vile that is like cat nip for zombies, either way be careful of what you shot in close range.

A. The Abandoned House/Factory: its always on the zombie tour stop, you enter into a dark dank place with your little flash light on and you walk slowly in. Now you have two choices, creep along the house slowly and not  making a sound, like a coward. Or be a man and just start shooting. Either way you will make it out, alive or in some zombie colonies, but still you will make it out.

B. The Open Area: Usually a train yard of parking lot, just shoot and run.

C. The Woods: always a favorite, just try not to get lost, or set the whole forest on fire.

D. The Your Goal: Now if your team is made up of more than six people, the dick rebel of the group wants to go his own way and takes all the people but four, ( no matter what its always four, children don’t count). Then he leads them to their death and you laugh over their death with a nice cold brewsky. If your team is made up of five to six people, the non-major characters die leaving only the four main ones. If your team is just the four of you, then someone gets hurt badly but makes it. If you have three or less, than your an idiot and didn’t survive past the first cut scene, unless your Master Chief, or Chuck Norris.

Unstoppable

Step 6: The Journey Ends: The Final Epic battle begins, you and your team vs the entire zombie horde, the radio crackers and tells you that rescue is on its way, and you must kill, EVERYTHING.  Then the horde starts to attack, you keep on killing, bodies flying every where, heads and limbs flying like frisbees through the air. It smells of gun powder and rotting flesh. The Helicopter/boat/plane/army vehicle arrives, you make the run for it. The Black Guy says a witty remark as an explosion appears in the background(DAAAAAAAM!).  Then one of three people get hurt, the girl who gets hit by the explosion, but you love her too much to let her die and you run and carry her across an exploding bridge.  The war vet can be hit in the legs, He pulls you in close and tell you ” This is how I wanted to go, in the heat of battle, now your in charge solider, I will hold them off” and you leave him to save the rest of you guys, Or you are bitten, you get everyone into the vehicle and shut the door, kiss the girl, with the glass between you. You say you love her and tap the vehicle to go. Then the horde comes to get you.

Omg the Jonas Brothers

Step 7: The End: The Credits role and then you go on with your life.

Hopefully you find this guide helpful when you go through this in the real world.

Created by:-Marc – Edited By Brian

Narrator : Meet Girl Name. She is an [occupation]\[daughter of father who is prestigious occupation] who is down luck when it comes to looking for love.

[Cut To Mom]

Mom (Nasally Jewish Like Voice) : Are you ever going to pop a baby outta your baby making hole?

Girl(Hands on Hip): Moooooooooom!

Narrator: But shes about to find out that love can pop up anywhere!

[Cut to Girl [walking down street]/[dancing in club]/[grocery shopping] and bumping into good looking guy. Probably Matthew McConaughey or the guy who played the king spartan 300. You know the guy. Google him.]

Girl: Oh sorry I didn’t see you there.

Guy: Let’s go out.

Girl (Laughing playfully): Okay!

[Cut to scene [on the beach]/[at a restuarant]/[on a terrace]. They go in for a kiss and fall into a funny sexual position.]

Girl : Ha ha ha oops.

Guy : I have a boner!

Girl : Lets do this thang!

[Sex Scene]

[Cut to Family Function(must be girls family)]

Narrator : But it turns out everything isn’t what it seems.

Guy : I have to tell you something. [Secret that destroys relationship].

Girl (In tears): How could you!

[Cue Sad Music. They end up seeing something earlier in the movie that reminds them of each other.]

Narrator : But it turns out what they were looking for was right in front of them all along.

[They run towards each other dramatically. They jump into a hug.]

Girl : I love you!

Guy : I love cheese! I mean I love you too!

[Cut to Wedding]

Priest\Rabbi(If Adam Sandler is in it): Does anyone object to this marriage?

Best Friend(whos been in the background of every scene of the movie if you look hard enough): I do!

[He runs up the altar and everyone expects him to kiss the girl BUT HE KISSES THE DUDE! Not so generic now are we!]

THE END